Two shows and still no Mood. What gives? Were they shut down by the Department of Health for having an infestation of fabulousness?
Whatever the case, the designers are taken to a farm—because nothing says, “Welcome to Manhattan!” like cow piles and hay—where Tim Gunn looks like he’s auditioning for some hillbilly remake of “Addicted to Love.” He is nattily attired. The models, however, are wearing potato sacks.
So the challenge is, yes, to make a hot party outfit out of a potato sack. In a twist that would’ve been a whole lot juicier later in the season, the models are the clients and they get to pick their designer. (By the way, a note to Lifetime network executives: We notice that you are giving the models a higher profile on the show. And we also know why—rhymes with Nodels of the Funway.)
Most stick with the designer who brung them, but Alexis, who probably can’t remember if her designer was Mila or Maya, avoids the issue altogether and takes Anthony. This causes Mila (her actual designer) to pretty much freak out. I mean, she won’t stop talking about it.
Back at the studio, Mila comforts herself by saying, “Her loss.” Except the thing is, she says it out loud. Within Anthony’s ear range. And he takes understandable umbrage. It also gives him a chance to spout some of his oh so hi-larious Southern-fried wisdom: “She can kiss my ass and my entire family’s asses.” Can someone already get this guy a giant name tag that reads “Flo”?
The funny thing is, Mila and her new model are getting along famously, while Alexis is the client from hell. She wants her potato sack to be flowy, hippy, sexy, beady, and fringey. Make it work, Flo.
Tim is all in his glory when he comes by to give critiques. First, he objects to the amount of work Jay has before him. “I’m flabbergasted!” he says. Here’s what was so great about that.
a. He used the word flabbergasted. This is a seriously under-used word.
b. He didn’t just SAY flabbergasted. He kind of acted it out. This involved reeling backward, as though overtaken by a strong gust of wind, with his lips spasmodically quivering. It was marvelous.
Then Tim wandered over to our little twink Jesus and noticed the fact that Jesus was covering up his entire burlap sack with ribbon.
“I think you’re skirting the issue, no pun intended,” Tim said.
And oh how Jesus laughed and laughed at the ingenuity of Tim’s pun. “Good one, my good man,” he said. “A real corker.”
(No, he didn’t actually say that. Keep in mind folks, this was a guy who couldn’t evoke the name of the Empire State Building last week.)
So it’s runway day and Ping’s dress still has no ass. This concerns sweet little Jonathan until he notices that Ping is laughing. “Maybe it’s supposed to be an ass flap,” he posits.
The special guest judge is “American icon, model, actress, and adventurer” Tila Tequila. No, wait, it’s Lauren Hutton.
(Remember how last season Michael Kors and Nina Garcia were occasional special guest judges? I still wake up in a cold sweat over that sometimes.)
So how much did that runway show kick ass?
Seriously, I was putting asterisks next to all the looks I liked until I ran out of ink in my asterisk machine.
But my favorites were definitely Mila’s and Amy’s (pictured).
One of the dresses I wasn’t wild about? Eventual winner Jay. We get it. You made burlap look like feathers. Hooray for you. Now can we discuss the fact that your dress looked like a burlap and feather tutu?
The bottom 3 were Ping, Pamela, and Jesus.
Ping was declared safe because yes, the judges decided they do want to see more of her special brand of wackadoo this season. (Me three!)
So it came down to 47-year-old Pamela and 23-year-old hottie Jesus.
Huh. . .I wonder which way this is going to go?
Farewell, Pamela. You seemed nice. Also, Jessica Simpson called. She totally wants to buy that dress.